This is why I have no friends.

**This might be long**

Background: I am young and married. I also finished high school early, ahead of my friends. Because of these things, a lot of my friendships kind of fizzled out. You know the drill; life gets busy, people go in their own directions, and contact seems to slowly stop. It happens to everyone.

So I have this best friend. We've been friends for roughly 7 years. We spent 99% of our time together, did everything together, for the majority of middle and high school. She was my maid of honor. Now she is in a relationship, works a lot, and lives a few towns over. And I'm married, work, and am doing my things too. Needless to say, we don't spend as much time together anymore. And that's perfectly fine with me.

The thing that kind of breaks my heart, is that I have a tendency to give someone more of myself than they give back. What I mean is, when I "commit" to someone either as friends or romantically, I commit 300%. When you are important to me, you are REALLY important to me. And, naturally, most people don't give as much as I do. Which is also fine with me. I understand that it isn't common and it's my own personal character flaw.

So back to this best friend.. Last night, she texted me about something unrelated, and we talked for about 30 minutes. At the same time we were talking, she posted that she was at a shopping center right up the street from my house with a big group of our mutual friends (and their SO's) having dinner and hanging out.

Let me make it clear, I am not usually the type who gets upset when I'm not invited to things, but this really hurt my feelings. She was talking to me at the same time, less than a minutes drive from my house, with a large group of friends, and didn't mention anything to me. I haven't seen her since my wedding in August. I haven't spoken to her more than twice, and I always initiate it.

It's not just her, either. This is the case with every single friendship I have ever had. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I try really hard, and I genuinely don't think I'm clingy. Like I said, in 8 months, we've only talked twice.

The other thing is, I don't make friends easily. I have a really hard time making new friends. I work with my family. I don't get out a lot. And I have INTENSE social anxiety.

When I *do* hang out with or talk to someone, I have the overwhelming urge to apologize, like they're doing me a favor by being my friend. Does that even make sense?

So I guess my question is, how do I fix this? What's wrong with me? How do people make friends? I used to have SO many! I wasn't always this way. It's really lonely.