Scared, tired, emotional but still trying to be hopeful.

Sorry this is long I just need to vent.

Hubby and I have been trying for baby #1 since August (Ik it’s not that long). But for be it feels like a life time. Last July I was told my my dr if we wanted a baby we needed to start immediately. I have different medical dx that are complicated. My specialist feels I am healthy enough to have a baby but my clock is ticking much faster then it should be. I got my IUD out in August and 4 days after I was hit with more bad news I found out I have epilepsy. I more thing to add to my ever growing list. Started treatment for that and have been doing okay.

I have an extremely irregular period anywhere from 28 days-43. I am currently on Cd60. Luckily I had my annual yesterday. My dr said that my husband and I need to start testing, looking into what is going on. If I do not get my period my May 6th they will have to induce it and then we will start testing. If I get my period before that we will start testing then. I’m nervous that they want to start testing now even though it hasn’t been a yr. but also glad they are starting now as to not waist anymore time if there is something that could be “fixed”.

I feel like such a failure. My husband has been so amazing through everything. He took care of me when I was on my death bed when he had to help me use the bathroom, bath get dressed etc. I have been the healthiest I have been in a long time which has been amazing. We both want a baby so bad and my hubby is getting worried that something is wrong with him. Ever pregnancy test I take and get my BFN I feel like I punched him in the gut.

That’s my gist. I needed to vent. No body is aware that we are ttc, we didn’t want the extra stress. But this community is such a blessing to be able to come to when you feel hopeless and discourage.

Baby dust to everyone! 💚💚