I wish I was happy NOT scared.

I am so over the moon that I got pregnant so fast after losing my 4th 👼 baby BUT its so hard to hang on to the happiness for very long. I'm just over 7 weeks. which is farther than I made it the last two times. I'm on meds to help my body keep this baby but I'm so scared. I'm scared to get attached again and feel all that pain again....I'm scared for my husband who has only ever gotten me pregnant and we lost his 1st child; my 5th. I only have one child whom I carried to term. the docs don't know why I lost my 4 👼 babies. pregnancy is suppose to be such a wonderful exciting happy time BUT I can't hold on it those feelings for very long. I'm hoping that I will feel better on the 13th. its my 1st appointment and hopefully 1st sonogram. I told my husband that I wanted to go alone because the last one that he went to we found out that our baby was not going to make it. I guess I just needed to vent a little....