Long story please don't judge me. Okay so I have been in a relationship with my man for almost 2 years. we haven't had the best relationship because of his cheating. but I decided to forgive him and start over with a clean slate. although it still hurts me and I think about it a lot I just don't throw it in his face anymore when he says he loves me. or that hes not a fool so he won't fuck up again. the past 4 months he has been in jail and will be there for min 2 years I think but we don't know yet how long he will get but it's a pretty serious charge. 9 days left until I give birth to our daughter and I'm just thinking about everything. I love this man a lot even though he's hurt me many times. I had feelings for 2 people my man and a guy name Darren who is very attractive, funny, & romantic. when my man cheated I moved far away I was supposed to move in with him until a day before I was supposed to visit family this girl called me saying she was his girl. and I decided I was going to stay with my family. anyways literally the next day I was leaving Darren hit me up now we didn't talk because P (my man) was controlling and I couldn't have friends. I unblocked him and he hit me the next day lol I knew Darren for a few years before i met P. we chilled a lot years ago we had a thing wasn't official tho. so he asked to see me I said yes so he drove to my house and we chilled smoked a blunt talked until my flight. I knew he wanted to kiss me when we was saying bye when he dropped me off at the airport. but I didn't kiss him. he said call me as soon as you land. now I had strong feelings for this man from when we first met so I'm like aww he missed me all happy like okay. lol months go passed P blew up my phone for months I had to block several numbers. Eventually we started talking again as friends. I went to visit friends & fam he asked to see me to talk In person about him cheating I agreed when I got there he didn't answer blew me off & I had plans with Darren later that day so Darren picked me up from the airport and I spent the whole 2 weeks at his house which was amazing.we didn't have sex only cuddled , went out , smoked and then he dropped me off at the airport when it was time to leave and asked if he could kiss me ( a man asking to kiss you ?) 😍 so we kissed once and hugged I went on my marry way. we talked for months. I didn't talk to p since my visit months passed. Darren he would call me his girl. always ft me say he missed me and when I was going to visit again. so I went to go visit him like 4 months later in Feb because he said he wanted me to be his Valentine. soo I landed I'm at my bro house P hit me said he wanted to talk but it's Valentine's day I have plans with Darren but I'm like okay I have stuff to do but I'll hear you out. dubs me again Darren shows up for our date I was late so we didn't go to dinner but he took me to a hotel rose pedal all over the bed big ass box of chocolates candles lit most beautiful thing that someone has done for me. still no sex we cuddled smoked went to sleep. every time I came to visit I was with Darren so we talked about what he wanted but I lived in az so he wanted me to move back and I couldn't I didn't have a place to stay. & he didn't want long distance so we just remain friends he got back with his ex. couple months later me and p started talking again and got back together i moved back a year later w him and we been together ever since so it's been a month shy of 2 years. but sometimes I think about Darren and what my life would be like if I was with him would I be happier not feel broken loved and cherished?. p isn't like Darren we would never go out , hes not romantic , used to put his hands on me , cheated on me. anyway Darren hit me up recently in 2017 & I told him I was prego and we couldn't talk because I know p would flip and he used to hit me he doesn't anymore in the beginning he did. he ended up getting back with his ex and we haven't talked since last year. I love my man and forgave him and he's changing how he was and I know hes trying but sometimes I wish I chose to be with Darren he treated me better even when we wasn't official we had amazing times together idk just needed to vent.