Heart broken

I knew this day was going to come... but NEVER did I think it was goin to be this difficult to face... my Beanie Baby Blair was due tomorrow and I can only imagine what s/he would’ve looked like, feel like, sound like... I can’t believe tomorrow was only suppose to be the beginning of a wonderful journey but now I have nothing but a hole in my heart and tears that won’t bring my baby back... everyone including myself keeps telling my I lost my baby for a reason... but nothing seems to make the pain go away... I’m and nurse that works in a small hospital... you have to pass the baby unit every time you want to go past the 2nd floor... today I was getting off the elevator as a new mother was... with her baby in tow and that sweet cry only a newborn has... I couldn’t help but turn the other way and shed a tear knowing I’ll never be able to hold my first child... now I’ve been TTC for months and with no luck... I know my angel baby is always with me in spirit, but that still doesn’t take the pain away... mommy loves you beanie🤧😩😭😪👼🏼