When I was 17 I ended up being a sugar baby of sorts to a man who was 12 years my senior, a supervisor at my work, and married.

Now before I continue let me address what I know is already a bit off putting for some of you.... I was not in anyway taken advantage of, I knew all to well what I was doing and in truth I was taking advantage of him.

A few years prior to this "relationship" I was in a VERY physically and mentally abusive relationship that took me two years to get out of- thats a different story for a different time.

But at 17 I was still healing, and sex was something I used to feel like I had control.

This man, Jacob, was in a terrible loveless marriage. They slept in different beds, hadnt been intimate in years, and they where attending marriage counseling.

I personally didnt care what kind of marriage he had. All I cared about was this attractive man, with baby blues who smiled when he looked my way. And I knew I wasnt built like your average 17 year old, shit I looked better then than I do now and I used that to my advantage.

Every chance I got I would wear short skirts and low cut tops. I would ignore every man who complimented me except him, and I made sure he knew it.

I would intentionally seek him out to ask for "help" with sending a fax or emailing a client- even though he was a supervisor in a different department.

After a few weeks he slipped me a piece if paper with his personal email and the affair began.

It was subtle at first, little things like asking me to meet him on the roof for a smoke break-even though I didnt smoke, bringing me muffins and coffee in the morning. But it quickly escalated to pictures/sexting,he started buying me things, and ultimatly sex.

He made sure I was well taken care of, my hair and nails were always done, I wore the nicest clothes, and I had his credit card so I wouldn't have to spent any of my own money.

There was no sneaking around when it came to any of this because his wife never questioned his where abouts, and she herself was never at home. We had sex countless times on his balacony, in the parking lot of work after hours and just about any where we could.

It was the most exciting time of my life, and I had a prettt nice set up.... Until he said the words I didnt want to hear.

We were on his balacony, I was leaned over the railing with my skirt pushed up and I was on the verge of cumming. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled my head back, something I enjoyed. He kissed my jaw and just as I was about to go he said," I love you."

It felt like time stood still and in an instant I knew things had gone horribly wrong. I wasnt looking for love, in fact I felt nothing but lust for this man and just wanted to have a good time. I was no where near ready to be in a true relationship.

After that evening I avoided him like the plaque and put in a transfer request to be moved to a different office on the other side of town.

About two weeks after that night he cornered me in an empty copier room. He told me he didnt mean what he'd said that he was just caught up in the moment.

But I knew that wasnt true and acted as if I'd suddenly gained some morals. I told him I couldnt keep sleeping with him when I knew he was married and that it was eating away at me.

For the next month he hounded me until I was finally transferred, a position i didnt take but wanted him to think I did. I mailed him his credit card with no return address, and deactivated my email account.

Through social media I found out that he left his wife a few months afterwards and moved into a house boat on the coast of Florida.

5 years later Im married to a wonderful man who knows all about my past and has never once said anything about.

Am I proud of what I did no, but I also dont feel guilty about any of it.

*Im not gloating or trying to make a point.... its a confessions page.*