so imma catch y'all up to speed for some of the backstory cus it's long and a little complicated. Basically this boy called J said he liked me and I basically rejected him twice because @ the time I just wasn't feeling it but then as we got closer I became more attracted to him even though I wasn't really attracted to him initially. Also I was told ( cus I'm new to this school since august ) that I look like this girl called P who he really liked for a long time. She's apparently been not into and into him in the past but then she told him nothing would ever happen.

okay so time to get into the tea

So fast forward a few months and I now have homeroom and most of my study classes with J so we been spending a lot more time together and become a lot closer, he even opened up to me about having anxiety and depression problems which I could really sympathise with because I also struggle, especially with anxiety. But I didn't tell him this yet bc I didn't feel ready to.

The thing with spending a lot more time with J was that whilst physically I began to find him a lot more attractive, personality wise I was realising how I'm just not about his personality. Like for example he can be really confrontational about things I would never been confrontational about. He also has made me feel kinda isolated as we've got closer, telling me how much he struggles and how talking to me all the time will help him which made me feel kinda responsible and pressured with the whole situation. I felt like nothing could happen with anyone else but him, kinda like I was stuck in a relationship that I wasn't even in, which got me panicking and made my anxiety so bad, not to mention I had ppl coming up to me and messaging me everyday about him. Girl my anxiety was off the roof

Meanwhile me and P are still talking most days, it definitely seemed more to me just like friendly talk, we just been talking about how we love to party and stuff like that. But then things started to feel different as we talked more. We really connect well on a personal level and he' like the nicest person ever. We had a party coming up and P asked me if I thought I'd get with anyone so I decide to talk to him a little bit about the situation with J and how I'm feeling, and he just reassures me saying how I should just do what makes me happy.

I also talk to one of my closest friends, who's also one of J's closest friends about it, and he told me how J has done this in the past to girls, and how he can basically be emotionally manipulative. Interestingly he actually told me that P got annoyed at him for it @ one point cus it got to a stage where it was bringing everyone down.

Guys @ this point my instincts are telling me to avoid this situation with J because it doesn't feel right, like my anxiety is pulling red flags up left right and centre

So okay ( tea gets good here )

SO we get blessed with a party and I get there and I see J and in my head kinda wanna just avoid him a little, but we say hi and hug and it all seems good.

I also see P and I'm happier to see P like I get this feeling in my stomach that's like excited to see him, although idk maybe that's cus I knew we were gonna party together and I wanted to get my drink on!

So ya girl is getting her drink on (this about an hour later) and I'm on the dance floor and I ten around and I SEE J AND T MAKING OUT WIT EACHOTHER

Now T was MAD DRUNK like I should say that and I know what you might be thinking, why should I be so bothered when I wasn't even sure if I liked him. The thing is, I wasn't so much bothered, but a confused and a little frustrated bc there was a part of me that did like him, we'd become close, he said he liked and I felt again like I'd been used once again and that everything everyone said about him going for me cus I'm the closest thing to T was true.

So like I said that's how I was feeling, and my drunk self just whipped back around and kept on dancing and then I went to the bathroom with my friend and I was talking to myself in the mirror about the situation like "wtf has just happened I am shook" ( ladies who else does this when they drunk I know I'm not the only one 🙋 )

so okay it's been about 45 mins and I haven't seen J, and I'm just on the dance floor still getting my drink on and I realise that more and more people have left the main room. So I'm like hmmmm and I follow the ppl out into the main hallway and BITCH THERES A FUCKIN HOLE IN THE WALL

and there's blood on the floor and a fuckin hole right next to the door and everyones like

and immediately I knew it was J and that he must've been frustrated about kissing T because he'd liked her for a long time or something.

so I return to the dance floor and this boy comes up to me and is like "ya ur the root cause to that problem" and I'm like boy don't just come up to me and drop that bombshell like explain pls and he's like "J punched the wall cus he thought he'd ruined his chances with you"

and I'm like

So I don't see J or P for like another hour, I'm thinking that J's gone home or something. P then turns up and tells me how he's been calming down J.

I see J on the sofa and everyone is crowded round him and he looks super mad and my instinct is telling me not to go near him cus idk i dont wanna make him worse or be a trigger or something and plus I thought everyone would tell me to go away anyway.

So I'm still getting my drink on with P and we end up hugging eachother a lot and joking now we're husband and wife and all this stuff. We're sitting on the floor in this room and I'm like idek if I wanna kiss him rn like my bitch ass is so confused. But I decide that a lot has happened already tonight and I don't wanna further complicate things when I'm not sure how I feel.

couple of hours later I'm back home and lying in bed and decide to drunk snapchat P saying how our party was great and how I thought we were gonna get together that night and theres like person on my shoulder like don't send it and another like send in hun!

Imma come back for a part 2 cus the content is too long so stay tuned huns cus more tea is comin!!!