Tonight was the night

A half hour ago, I started this post as a vent session. To put things in context, my ovulation day is tomorrow and my cervical mucus is perfect. Needless to say I was ready for some serious BD tonight.

Husband comes home. He’s had the day from hell. Everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong. He wants to sit and watch baseball. I go to bed, frustrated and disappointed that we’re missing out on a perfect BD day because he’s bummed out about life and stress.

I settle myself in bed feeling sorry for myself and how I’m not getting my way. Then I realize something. I remember that I can’t get so caught up trying to be this hypothetical kid’s mom that I stop being this hypothetical kid’s DAD’s wife. I slip into a robe and cuddle up to my husband on the couch. I kiss him, caress him a little, tell him I love him, I’m proud of him every day, I’m thankful for everything he does and sacrifices he makes for the good of our family and that I hope tomorrow is a better day.

We might not conceive this month. Maybe tonight was the night and we missed it. But I think tonight was about being a wife, partner and friend. Our kid, when he/she arrives, needs parents who are emotionally healthy, mature and have a strong relationship. So I might not have made a baby tonight or even this month, but I have decided it wasn’t a waste.