Struggling w/ Weightloss and Body Image

So, I guess I’m too embarrassed to post on Facebook or anything about this and I feel this is a safe space. I have always struggled with my weight and body image. When I was 16 I weighed nearly 170lbs. Then I went through a few years of disordered eating patterns and I was hovering around 125-130 for awhile. Then I gained some weight, but started exercising and weight lifting 6-7 days a week. So, I weighed about 140, but I was happy with how I looked and how I felt. Well, as time went on and I took on more responsibilities of adult life I have just continued to gain weight. I keep trying to get back into going the gym, but my motivation is so low. I’m not even sure what I weigh at this point because I won’t get on the scale I’m guessing probably 150-160. The way I look makes me so depressed. I try to eat well. I do like sweets and stuff, but its not as though I eat them every day. I also feel that my hormones play a huge role in how I feel and how I look. It’s like the last couple days of my period and then for about a week afterward I usually have energy and my body looks more “normal”. But then the rest of the month I feel tired, depressed, and extremely bloated. I feel at a loss like I can’t control my body. People used to find me so attractive. Now, I feel that my boyfriend is barely attracted to me. I’m just feeling really down and need some kind words.