Feeling Numb

On Saturday the 31st of March I woke up expecting my old friend Satan’s Waterfall to be flowing. Instead I was bone dry and felt a little nauseas. Okay, off to the toilet I went, unwrapped the cheapy pee stick and did what I needed to do. BIG. FAT. NEGATIVE. No problems... This has been the go since we lost Sprout in October, 2017. I know the drill. I felt fine.

Fast forward to that night - spotting began. Completely normal for my period to start this way. No problems at all. Sunday morning, more spotting that flowed into a light bleed throughout the day. Cool, Satan’s Waterfall was here and I could focus on getting through Shark Week and into the next month of trying for our Rainbow Baby.

My week continued on. I ate whatever I wanted, I drank whatever I wanted. As far as I could tell I was having the most normal period I’ve had since we lost our Sprout.

Saturday the 7th of April came & I was having some brown spotting - totally normal for me at the end of a period. I thought nothing of it. I got myself ready and headed out for cocktails. Then hits a massive migraine. I’d had a stressful week... Who cares. I’m fine. More cocktails. More wine. BATHROOM TRIP - Breaking the deal and... more spotting. I still didn’t think anything of it. It’s not unusual for my period to taper off with some brown spotting. Sunday rolls around and I have a bit more spotting in the morning. No dramas - I still don’t think anything of it. The migraine was still in full force though.

Roll on Monday morning and I woke up with the migraine still... Called in sick to work and SOMETHING in me told me I should take a pregnancy test.

Off I go to the bathroom, same drill as the Saturday before... Except this time there’s a visible positive on the test within 30 seconds. Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Cue massive amounts of tears... I know this isn’t going to end well.

2 hospital admissions in 2 days later and I’m laying here feeling like my body is broken & I’m not meant to be a Mum.

I don’t even know what to do to make myself feel human again.

Last time I had 3 weeks of talking to my baby... This time I knew about them for 9 hours from that positive test to the words “yes, you miscarried”...

Some days life really isn’t fair... :(