It Hurts So Bad Man

I've been talking to a guy for 8 months. He says he isn't ready for a relationship because his last relationship took a heavy toll on him, plus he's not where he wants to be in life. He wasn't in love with his ex, but they were together for 3 years and I know even the worst relationships are hard to move past when you get used to a routine and being around the same person for so long.

I've stayed around because I know he wants to be with me, and I know he cares about me. Every so often he'll tell me I deserve better and try to make it seem like he wants me to leave, but I don't because I know he's never really had anything real. Not even from his mom.

We had the whole conversation again today and he asked what I think we should do...but just the thought of not seeing his car outside my house hurts so bad. Having to delete pictures and videos and memories. His smile man 😔 his laugh. Not seeing his friends anymore.

He has such a paternal touch. Like he'd be a great dad. I don't want anyone else. I don't want him to be with anyone else. He's so caring and animated. I don't want to have to keep letting people go. It seems like I keep having to and I don't want to keep crying and hurting anymore every time I get close to someone. I know I'm resilient and if I just let it hurt I'll be fine eventually but I don't want to. I really care about him. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of losing people. I'm tired of getting to know new people all over again. It gets old. I want one person to stick. I've even started acting like him because we talk so much i picked up his mannerisms 🙃.

Have you ever broken your own heart because youre crying so hard and you let out that one one painful whimper scream thing from deep down in your heart. Its breaks your own heart because you can literally hear how much pain you're in...