Oh ladies. Have I got a story for you!

Just a language warning! So. I’ll set the scene. I went to a friends and got baaaaaked. Like. So high from this new strain of weed she got.

So there I was. Asleep on her couch when she invites me to sleep over. And all I could think of was starfishing out on my bed and getting into my comfy pjs.

So there I am. Packing up my stuff but making sure my keys are in my pocket as well as my phone and I put my backpack on and toddle away.

Only thing. It was 3 am (live in England) and it’s dark. She lives 6 minutes away (if I walk quick or 15 if I dawdle) and I am not a fighter. I am 5’2” tall and quite plump. I don’t know street fighting or anything and after being paranoid from the London standings, I was a bit skeptical walking back alone.

So anyway I get to a street that has a dead end for cars, and I cross over the canal to carry on home and this van comes speeding down the road and stops at the end. So I’m like ‘shit shit shit. There’s 2 people in that van!’ And I get my phone out and dial my mates number as I walk up to it. The driver gets out of the van and slides the door open. So now in my mind I’m thinking ‘FUCK. THIS IS HOW I DIE. THIS IS IT. FUCK!’ And place my keys between my fingers as a ‘shit. If I need to stab them this is what I’ll do to get away’.

So there I am. Waiting for my mate to answer her fucking phone and she doesn’t. So you can bet when I passed the van and the man outside that I was thinking of all these scenarios which could go down.

So all the way home I’m like paranoid the passenger was running after me. So now I’m home and just like ‘ I could have died. Thank god!’

So yeah. That’s my story of tonight and lesson learned... never walking home stoned alone again 😂