Just finished my second d&c

Literally in my hospital bed and just finjshed my surgery. We had a D&C; in December Bc of a miscarriage and then got preg again next cycle and was supposed to be due in November but found out last week there was no heartbeat again at our 9 week ultrasound. I feel so empty ... my baby is out of me but at the same time and I know this may sound weird but I also feel a little relieved. I’m bleeding now and It’s just reminding me I’m not longer pregnant. I’m 38 so time is not on my side and we have. No other children but experiencing two miscarriages and d&cs; all within 4 months has really worn on me emotionally. Anyone who’s been through this ever feel like just taking a vacation and getting away from it all? We are seeing a specialist next week for testing but I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to try again. Last time we tried so soon and this is what happened. Anyone have any tips on grieving ? I know everyone is different I just want to be at this hospital in happier times next time I never want to go through this again. Prayers to anyone who has ever experienced pregnancy loss. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life.