so many thoughts...

I just lost my son 7 days ago. 7 days ago was the worst day of my life. and the best. I got to spend 30 wonderful minutes with my son before he passed during skin to skin. I'm still grieving very heavily... tomorrow is the service for him. he'll be burried next to his great grandmother who passed two years ago who I am still grieving.

my boyfriend has two sons already who I have never met but still have so much love for. their mother hasn't let their father see them in almost a year. she contacted him FINALLY after having blocked him on every social media sites and every number and changed her number even. she wants to finally give co-parenting a chance.

so now... in the beginning of my grief we may be able to have the boys for visits and eventually over night. i am so angry still at her for keeping them away from their father for so long (we've only been together a year so I understand she didn't want me around them in the beginning) I am depressed over losing our son at 27 weeks due to hellp syndrome. I am just so confused and stuck in my feelings....