Parents

I’m having a huge rough timing trying wrap around my head that my parents are getting a divorce. I’ve already been through my birth parents giving up on each other but now my father and my beautiful stepmother are separating. They are all I know and can’t live without. My mom pretty much already has like a boo thing and I’m not having it. I understand my mom deserves to be happy but it’s hard to take it all in. I can’t imagine her being with this guy, kissing him, maybe even wanting to have sex or a baby with this guy. It’ll crush me if it goes that far. Everyday I feel like beating the living shit out of him because they started off as friends and he knows she’s married! So why try going for a married woman, with two kids? He has a son. Who’s a baby. What does he think, that my mom is going to raise his kid? He’s going to be my brother? No I don’t fucking think so. And it’s like why would my mom let him come just like that? 16 years with my dad. Are you just going to throw that all away just like that? And dad?! Wtf are you thinking bro?! How are you going to let the woman of yours dreams leave? Do you not love her? Do you not find her attractive anymore? Why aren’t you cherishing the ground she walks on? After every bullshit you’ve put her through?! Was that for nothing? So many questions are running through my head I swear it’s like being stuck in a tornado. So many mixed emotions. Is that normal? I’m sure there’s more going through this like myself, does it get better? I want my family to become closer and as one again... my whole childhood was shit thanks to my birth mother. And now my father is fucking up the family. And my mom moving on. Wanting to move out. My sister is going with her but for me it’s so hard to choose. I love my parents, my dad doesn’t hang out with us like that. But when we do it’s pretty fun. It makes sense. It’s more than what I’m giving but I don’t want my parents splitting up. We’ve been through too much to just end it on something that’s fixable but, they both pretty much agreed to end it. Breaks my heart every single day. Crying every single night. Wanting to beat this new guy senseless everyday until he leaves my mom alone. But she’s happy..... I know my dad is hurting but it’s his fault... I want to confront him but I’m afraid to. I wanna help my family get back together but afraid of the outcome. I even starting going to therapy.. I hope it works. I’m tired of crying my life away and sleeping because I don’t want to think about it because I’m an extreme over-thinker. That’s not any better either. Crying helps. But waking up to swollen eyes gets annoying. Depression slowly creeps up behind me. Plain sight. I need help and ways to keep myself calm. I seem to be the only one who complicated things. I don’t wanna drive anyone away where I end up alone. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m so afraid. I can hear my heartbeat gasping for air.... 😖😭😢