Does the pain ever lessen??

Alison, 🌈 👶🏻 born 7/26/19

I just went through my second miscarriage on Friday in four months and had my second d&c; three days ago. I’m almost 39 and we have no kids have been trying since August 2017 (not long) and both pregnancies were missed miscarriages. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought this would happen to me let alone twice...I couldn’t believe it happened twice. I’m not giving up on having kids but I’m afraid to. I’m afraid I’ll have trouble getting pregnant next time since this has happened twice in a short period of time plus I did d&c; twice. ... but I’m also afraid TO get pregnant again and that this will happen all over again. I finally broke down to my husband last night. He’s been playing golf every day Bc he needs to cope he says and I can’t stop him if that’s his way... but I feel the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life. It feels like a nightmare that just won’t end . First time December again four months later. I was healing from the one in December but now I have to start all over again. I’ve been taking antidepressants / anti-anxiety meds since I’m a teenager and even stoped them per my docs order Bc of the pregnancy , I did all right things and this still happened. The way I fixed this and grieved last time was by getting preg again fast. My therapist yesterday told me perhaps I should wait a little longer this time before trying again Bc I’m so fragile and have been through a. Lot in the past few months. Part of agrees with that, but because of my age I unfortunately don’t have time to waste. Can any ladies who have been through this once, twice etc offer how YOU dealt with this and grieved? Did it ultimately make you stronger and come out the other side? I feel paralyzed to even take a walk or draw (I love art) I want to push myself but I can’t.