I have been feeling depressed for a while now. After my soul was broken I have felt like there is a point to life. My essence was taken away since I was 10. Life has just kicked and kicked me down that I’ve never been happy. Even if I have been momentarily happy it gets taken away from me no matter what. I’ve lost faith in God because if he were to love me why does he keep making me suffer. I used to be a “good Christian” I followed all the commandments, I helped people in times of need, and I stayed away from everything bad the least I could have would be some type of happiness right? My financial status is a wreck I work 2 jobs to try and stay afloat( I’m filing from bankruptcy). My car was repossessed. My life at home is I feel estranged to my parents can’t talk to them about anything( super religious and super old school). My soulmate broke up with me bc his baby momma is threatening him. The bitch was going to take his son and not tell him and is blackmailing him in order to see his son he’s got to be with her. He’s got a bad past and he could go to jail and I have no heart to ever make him choose. I love him it hurts so much but I’m staying away so he can be with his son. I literally have nothing going for me. I would dare take my life away because I know it would kill my parents(mom already has cancer). But if a car was coming my way I wouldn’t move out of the way. Is there more to life that just pain and suffering? Trust me I have tried with all my might to get out of this rut, no matter how much I try it’s like the universe wants me to hurt. Sometimes I cant even get out of bed. I don’t want antidepressants because I don’t want to rely on drugs to feel better.