Insecure as hell, boyfriend makes it worse.

We've been together officially for a year and two months but we started seeing each other like three months before going official.

When we first started dating, he told me that I was the heaviest he would date. We met on tinder; I only had face photos on there, so he told me he showed his friends and they all agreed I was a "bigger" girl because I had no full-body photos, and he said they were right.

I have lost about 30lbs since then and he tells me I'm not fat or that I don't need to lose weight, but there are times that he says little remarks that hurt me. Sometime about a year ago (May 2017, maybe?) we'd take our dogs to the dog park and walk around while they played with each other. One time, he said my legs are so meaty, he could eat one and he would be good for a while or something like that. I laughed, as he was trying to be funny, but I was offended.

Yesterday, we got pretty fucked up at one of his friends' college graduation party. I told him there was protein in broccoli and he didn't believe me, saying that no plant/vegetable has protein. Then, he said that he could get a good chunk out of my calves and he'd get a lot of protein. I didn't say anything afterwards and we've been fine, but now it is hitting me and I am really starting to hate how I look all over again.

I have a very gummy smile, and he used to always make jokes about it until I told him it hurts my feelings and he is the first person who has ever made fun of my smile. I have always gotten compliments on how beautiful my smile is (I have naturally straight teeth and take GREAT care of them), but I can't help that my lip curls up when I smile or laugh.

I am an ethnicity of a darker skin tone, though I'm a bit pale, and have skin discoloration on my armpits and between my thighs. We are the same ethnicities (filipino and white) and so he knows this is common since his mom has it too, but he has made jokes about that as well.

We have been struggling a lot because I found out last September that he was still trying to get with two other girls after we had been official for a month. He kept me a secret from them for two months until we went fb official and he lied to me about having feelings for them (I asked him more than once). I snooped through his phone and found messages of him flirting and that's how I found it. It was six months after it happened, but it still happened. We almost broke up in Oct., but I decided to stay because he seemed genuinely sorry for lying and doing it. He doesn't really speak to either of those girls since they graduated college last June, but I still don't trust him. We've also had issues with porn (don't defend it, I don't care what you think of it) and him lying about it, how he wanted my nudes/videos but still used porn, etc. He has done a lot of things to make me feel extremely insecure and he doesn't help it.

I don't even want to have sex and show him my body anymore. I hate what I see in the mirror.

I know I'm a little chubby, but I don't think I'm like,u healthily overweight. I dunno. My body type is naturally muscular so I have an athletic build, with more chub. He has told me that my legs are very muscular and that's one thing I find funny- my legs are more muscular than his, yet he has the audacity to talk shit about them.