Mom Won’t Give Baby Nap

Okay, so I’m really irritated and I just want your inputs, tell me who’s in the wrong here.

I’m 19 years old, a full time student and I work part time to support me and my son. My fiancé works full time also. So, we don’t have real daycare, my mom babysits for free. I’ve offered her money but she says she doesn’t want paid because she loves spending time with my son. I don’t want this to come off as ungrateful, because I’m very grateful for what she does for us.

So, my son is 10 Months Old and his sleep schedule is pretty regular. He goes to bed between 8:30 and 9:30 and sleeps until about 8:30-9:00 in the morning. He takes two 1-hour long naps, one at 12:30 and one at 4:30. He made this schedule himself and I just follow it, I never force him to sleep if he isn’t tired. But I have to do watch for his signs because they’re not very obvious. He doesn’t fuss and cry until it’s too late. So once he yawns a few times and rubs his eyes, I take him to bed. He also is very good at putting himself to sleep. I feed him a bottle and rock him a little and lay him down, fully awake, and leave and he goes to sleep. Sometimes he’ll cry if he drops his binky or his blanket (he plays with the tag to self-sooth) and he just wants you to give it back and he’s fine.

So, the problem, my mother will not put the baby to sleep. Ever. She doesn’t watch for his signs and he’ll just keep playing as long as you let him, and not nap. She won’t even try to lay him down. She says that she tries to rock him to sleep and he cries (which he does because he has never liked being rocked to sleep, he’s always been more independent). I’ve told her exactly what I do for nap and bed time and she won’t do it. So every time she brings me the baby, he hasn’t napped. Or if I work late, he’s awake until I get home (11:15-11:30 at night).

She says that it’s my job as mom to put my baby to sleep, but if she’s babysitting and I’m not there, I can’t do that. And when he doesn’t nap for the 12:30 nap, he has a hard time napping at 4:30 and an even harder time going to bed.

Today, she babysat and didn’t give him a nap. He slept in the car when her boyfriend picked me up from class (maybe 15 minutes) and slept until they dropped me at my dads (I had to pick up my car, my fiancé and I share and he drives to my dads, rides with him to work and leaves my car for me to get after class). So a total of a 30 minute nap, but he woke up when I moved him to my car. Screamed and cried all the way home and continued to cry, refused to eat, didn’t want to be held, so I stood by his crib to calm him while he cried himself to sleep, as he does every time she watches him. And I just cried with him because I hate that I can’t fix it.

So I, once again, sent her a text explaining what had just happened and she sent back “well i don’t understand what you want me to do. He isn’t my son” and I said that I know that but she’s responsible for him if she’s babysitting and she said “you’re just mad because you have to actually be his mother and put him to sleep” and so now I’m infuriated because she insinuated that I don’t do anything as his mother. So I didn’t text back because I didn’t want to say anything I would regret. And then she sent two more saying “it’s hard for me to babysit when Livy (her boyfriends 5 yo daughter) is there and wants to play with him” and then sent “maybe you should just drop out and quit your job and be a real parent”. I still haven’t texted back.

She’s always been this way, jumps to insults when she’s mad. She can never admit that she might be wrong. But for arguments sake, let me take you through my day:

Baby and I wake up around 8:30-9

He eats breakfast

I get us dressed and ready for the day, diaper bag packed for my moms house

She picks us up around 9:30 to take me to class that starts at 9:40

I’m in class until 2:00

Her boyfriend picks me up and takes me to my car

I come home with my son for the rest of the night

(This is my MWF schedule, my TTH is a little different because I only have one class 10:30-11:50 and then I’m done)

And I only work weekends and my fiancé is off weekends, so Saturday and Sunday I work 12:30-6 or until 8 and fridays I work 3:30-11. So usually she has him in the morning per usual, drops him to me after class, I go to my dads and they keep him until my fiancé gets home around 5.

Am I gone too much? Is she right? I obviously won’t drop out but should I cut back? Should I quit my job? I mean, I make minimum wage so my checks are like $250 every other week. My fiancé carries us with his 700-800$ every other week. So it’s not absolutely necessary for me to have a job but since we have different paydays, it really helps since we’re still getting on our feet.

Sorry this is so long, I understand if you don’t read it all 😂 but any input you guys have would be great.

This is the end of it I think ? Idk she just keeps saying how I’m unappreciative and I’m asking so much of her.