I've been battling a fairly deep low lately. I have been ttc for 2 yrs, and all the focus has been on me and having to change my lifestyle habits. Been working on it but now it turns out husband is shooting blanks. What's worse is hes barely willing to do anything to change it. I feel like I dont have anything to look forward to in the future. and although I'm too chickenshit to do it, suicide keeps making it's way into my thoughts. Telling me to focus on other things (therapist says do something for you) doesnt work, my baby is what I wanted, to feel like I have a complete family. I just dont see an end to the sadness. I'm so fucking miserable and hopeless and see my whole stupid life already playing out to the dismal end. And Idk that itd be better just walking through the stupid motions of living. I feel like I've wasted any real time I had to be pursuing anything. I'm already 30.