Secret treatment

I hope to seek treatment for my anxiety/depression this year or next when I move out, as I’ve been wanting to for a few years now. I feel like it will be beneficial to my mental state, as anxiety runs in my family (clearly shown by my mom and grandparents). My mom doesn’t want to listen to me going on about having depression, because she thinks it means wanting to kill my self. I clearly show a lot of the signs (sleeping excessively, barley eating, binge eating, insomnia, isolating myself in my room, and randomly crying and feeling sad for no reason, and at one point used to graze my skin with a tack to swell it. My mom found out and yelled at me for it, and using a tack to poke under my nails to the point of bleeding) I have reason to believe I’ve suffered from depression since I was little (due to my childhood not being the best), and hoping one day I can finally have a clear state of mind.

For my best interests, I’m keeping my treatment a secret from my family. I don’t think my mom would take the news well if she knew I was seeing a therapist. Both me and my boyfriend agree seeing someone will help me overcome a lot, and ease my mind, as I tend to throw myself into panic attacks (thinking I’m dying because my breathing becomes off or my heartbeat felt weird).