Anyone else have a toxic mother?

Question

I'm almost 36 weeks with my second son. My first son is going to be 6 this year. When I was pregnant with my firstborn the first thing my mother said to me was that I needed to have an abortion. I am 100% against abortion. Also I was 20 years old, and had a job, a good relationship and me and my boyfriend (now husband) we're excited to be parents. Abortion had never even crossed our minds. It still bothers to me to this day that she suggested it because now she says she couldn't stand to live without my son in her life. 
My mom and I have always had a dysfunctional relationship. I was the good child growing up. I got great grades, never did drugs, never partied, helped around the house, got a job as soon as I was old enough, very responsible, etc. I mean yeah sometimes I was a smart ass but what girl isn't at some point in their life??? My little brother on the other hand was a nightmare. He is bipolar and has ADD/ADHD. He was very short tempered, got into trouble all the time, acted out in school, never listened to our parents, and to this day is a loose cannon, drinks, can't keep a job, experiments with drugs, and burns bridges with literally everyone who tries to help him out. 
Out of all of this she always makes me feel like I am the worst person ever whenever I try to defend myself. Everything is my fault, even if it was really hers or my brothers. This leads me to the present. 
My husband had found some information out that my brother was experimenting with some nasty drugs, and mentioned it to my mother because he was worried about him. All my husband asked was that if she did confront my brother, that she leave my husbands name out of it as the source because my brother is a loose cannon. Well, she didn't do that. She told my brother that my husband told her the information, which resulted in my brother calling my husband screaming, cussing, and threatening him over the phone. 
Understandably my husband said after that phone call he does not want our 5 year old son and our next son to be around my brother, which I don't either. I told my mom this and she flipped out (my brother still lives with her). She texted my husband saying she "HATES HIS FUCKING GUTS" and that he "will pay" for keeping our sons from her and that we are so dramatic because my brother would "never hurt anyone." Which isn't true because my brother has thrown chairs at me, put nail polish remover in my tea, slammed a door on my pregnant belly when I was pregnant with my first son, he has thrown a remote at my head, put holes in the wall of my house, killed my pet hamster when I was a kid by letting our dog "play" with it, and the list goes on!!! And that's just the stuff that's happened to me personally. 
Anyway, my point is....does anyone else have a toxic mother like this??? How do you deal with it??? Especially when your kids are involved in their lives?? I'm so stressed out and she is being so ridiculous and dramatic. Ugh.

Answer

I think it’s time you cut them both out of your lives.
You’ve listed enough times where they have put themselves over you.
Enough is enough to stop being the door mat to these selfish people. It’s time you & your hubby become selfish, it is for the right reasons.

Answer

You asked if any one else had a toxic mother, and well, my mom is as toxic as you can possibly get. Since before I was born (over 21 years ago) my mom has done meth. Her brain is fried and I've never known her sober. When I was in kindergarten she met a guy who had a good supply and married. Well 8 years or so pass and we got an opportunity to move across the desert and buy a house. My step father took that a new beginning and got clean. My mom never did. She started cheating on my step father, who obviously is by no means perfect, but at least he got clean and was the only father I ever knew. I still talk to him and my little sister. Anyway my mom was a literal dope whore. She'd do just about anything for her next 8 ball. 
Fast forward to 2012
I believe I was about 13 and it was the worst year, yes I said year, of my life. It all began when my grandmother got sick and passed away. Then my mother left my step father after 12 years of marriage by disappearing. She ghosted us for like a week. She claimed she went to to therapy which was bullshit. I got sick of her games and I cut her off. I blocked her on facebook ignored her calls and texts and if I seen her around town I didn't acknowledge her presence.   Off and on until I graduated high school I let her back in. She'd say she was clean, we would talk but then I'd find her stash and it would start all over. I really could write a novel on all the shit she's done but this comment is long enough. But let me explain this picture...
this was around Christmas 2017. A lady (Tonya) my step father had a halfassed relationship with decided she want to message me randomly calling me a cunt. So my petty self put her on blast on facebook with a screen shot. It obviously showed what a lunatic she was which pissed her off so she messaged my mom knowing I fucking hate my mom. Tonya then sent this screen shot to a mutual friend we have saying "even her own mom doesn't like her"

Needless to say I confronted her and she'll never see her grandsons. I'm tired of this yo-yo bullshit. I cut her off for good. Burned that bridge and I'm moving on. It feels good you know? I still hold anger that I can't let go but you know what? I'm actually happy how my life is. I'm getting married in June and I have 2 wonderful sons. I seen this picture on facebook not too long ago. It hit home for me, maybe it could help you in less words than I gave you...

Answer

I cut my mother out of my life years ago. She’s utterly psychotic. I would get screamed at for things out of my control. She would yell at me for not telling her when school events would occur - when they didn’t have dates set yet. She constantly trash-talks my dad like he’s the scum of the earth. My dad is literally the best. He divorced her because she threatened to put my sisters up for adoption and send them to focus house just for not doing the dishes. I was my mother’s favorite child (I’m the youngest) so she always babied me and neglected/abused my sisters. When I was forced to stay weekends with her, I would never go without a friend. My mother would still scream at me in front of my friend. And I’m not religious at all. Im atheist. She would always force me to go to church with her, and no matter how many times I told her I didn’t want to go, she’s still wake me up in the morning by dumping ice water on me (and my friend!) and literally jumping onto the bed, digging her knees into our guts. There was a time it made me cough up blood. No apology. And she didn’t believe in privacy whatsoever. I’d hop in the bathroom and start getting undressed so I could take a shower and she’d just barge in just to stand there. She would scream at me if I told her to get out so I could actually get undressed and get in the shower -once I was in with the curtain closed, I didn’t care if she was in there to use the toilet or do her hair/makeup, but only if I couldn’t be seen. She’s get so angry she would even go so far as to tell me she wouldn’t leave until I was already in the shower. Meaning she would just watch me get undressed. She told me I should just get over it because “we’re all girls here”. She did the same shit to my friends. It got to the point I stopped bringing friends with so they didn’t have to go through that. It made me suicidal because when I had no one to support me, my mother would get 10 times worse. And I lived with my dad, yet my mother would demand child support from him??? And the judge enforced it??? Yet she never used the money on me, always in her. And she’d demand my dad to get me to her place by a certain time or she’d call the judge. Most of the time, I’d get there and she wouldn’t even be there - she’d be partying 45 miles away and wouldn’t get to her place until 1 am. I hate her.

Answer

I did. I cut her out of my life completely and I honestly have never been happier.

Answer

It's truly hard but u have to think about ur kids best interest. My moms always been a little crazy but she recently tried to put her hands on me (I'm 18weeks) and since I've cut her out of my life. The stress, drama, and constant worry that things will escalate just isn't worth it

Answer

I had the exact same life with my mum just she took it further when I told her I’m moving in with my now husband she called the police on us called child services the list goes on accusing us being drug trafficking and that my son is in danger. Both calls have failed as I proof everything wrong and she now being served with a notice to stay away. This was 2years ago and I stopped contact to her then and to this day I still have problems with her. Hold your head up it was hard for me to stop contact to her but I never regretted it since then I feel alive and can breathe again I go away with my hubby and kids and we do so much now that the toxic air is gone

Answer

I have a toxic mother and separation is the key!! I moved out when I was 16 because I couldn't stand her. She cried and screamed and threw a tantrum but she got over it. Now I live close to her but I know how to lock her out of the house when she has episodes or to tell her no. My moms a psycho.

Answer

I do and I’ve cut ties with her. My only babies are in heaven but I’m TTC & it’s my job to protect them. I’d suggest cutting her out for good

Answer

tell her it's your child and your choice and you don't want him around your child if he's going to act crazy and be on drugs. there is nothing she can do about it, and if she hates your husband's guts,  then she can stay away too. You don't have to deal with any of that,  and don't need the toxicity in you, or your families life.

Answer

I cut my mom out. She's a narcissist and has sociopathic tendencies. It's always about her. she will still remind me of the stretch marks I gave her during pregnancy...like specific ones. She always made us feel guilty because she couldn't buy herself things (she could, she spent it all on cigarettes). constantly brought up how horrible I was. it took a long time to realize life wasn't supposed to be miserable. And I'm just now, at 33, feeling like I deserve happiness. So much more, but the short of it is, shes gone. The final action was blasting my sister and I on Facebook because we wouldn't support our other sister who refuses to work. I asked for an apology and assurance it wouldn't be done again and she couldn't give. She has never met my son, and won't. her loss.

Anyone else have a toxic mother?

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