I lost my baby about a month ago. I’ve learned some things since then that I wish I’d known when it was happening. Hopefully it helps some ladies xoxo

1. No matter how far along you were, the baby was real. Whether it was chemical, early, late, or full term, it is a real loss.

2. Your experience is unique, so you can’t compare it to anyone else’s. It can be helpful to learn from other people about what they experienced, but don’t compare. Everyone is different. Don’t put expectations on yourself to feel a certain way.

3. Grieving looks different for everyone too. Even now, I catch myself in a weepy moment and think, “Shouldn’t you be over this by now?” It takes a while for all the hormones and everything to settle back down. Give it time, and let yourself feel how you feel without judging the process. You lost something important to you. Like most losses, you don’t really “get over” it. You learn to adapt to a new normal.

4. Take care of you. I had to take two weeks off of work and hide away from the world - bingeing on Netflix. I let me be a couch potato and cry when I needed it, until I felt strong enough to face the world again. Not everyone needs that. Don’t judge yourself as well if you only needed a short time to grieve and wanted to get back to life. Or if you wear nothing but sweats for much longer. The point is to give yourself permission to go through the process fully, no matter what that looks like. Your body is going to be tired and hormonal for a while. Why not pamper yourself?

5. People mean well. If you were already showing or had told people you were expecting and now you aren’t, they might try to say something to help. A lot of the time, it isn’t helpful or can even seem downright insensitive. The thing to keep in mind is that 99% of the time they do mean well. Don’t take too much notice if you can help it, and appreciate the gesture.

6. Don’t expect your partner to feel everything like you do. Even if your partner doesn’t seem to be as sad, or if their grieving process seems instantly over, don’t judge them or yourself. They may deal with it in a different way, but it doesn’t have to match up with yours. That doesn’t mean they aren’t grieving. Love them and be grateful for their support. My awesome husband lent me his man cave for those weeks I was hibernating, and he brought me food. I know our loss hurt him as much as me, but he dealt with it by making sure I was ok.

7. You will smile again. It might take a long time, but one morning you’ll wake up with a little sparkle in your soul that reassures you that you’ll be ok.

8. Don’t lose hope. Miracles happen every single day.