Surprised He Hasn’t Left Me...(long)

Last night we had a fight over something extremely dumb... we were talking and eating. He stopped talking to look for something to watch on tv. I got on my phone (Facebook) for a bit while he found something. He got mad that I was on my phone because we were talking.. I said you weren’t talking so I got on my phone. I’m just on Facebook anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️ ( this sounds super childish I KNOW).

I get irritated because he is literally always on his phone while I’m talking about something and he won’t take his eyes off the screen but I’ll keep talking. So I mention that to him ( petty yes). He says he’s just gonna go to the room instead I’m like cmon, really?

He proceeded to tell me that I act like this all the time, that I was childish ( the night before the toilet water was about to rise up and I ran back to the room to get some shoes on and the water splashed out by then and he called me useless and stupid). I was offended by that! He also told me that he’s the one who does everything around here... I laughed. He hasn’t had any work in a few weeks and I work 12 hour shifts.. I said if it’s dirty it’s because of you! Learn to clean up after yourself!

Anyway after that I just got fed up and went to the room instead. I locked it and said I wanted to be alone. He just criticizes me! He somehow got in and semi laughed and I yelled at him to leave me alone, and he again told me I was childish and I got so mad and blurted out “fuck you!”.

I heard the front door open and got up to see why he was leaving ( although I said I wanted to be alone and to be left alone) he said he couldn’t take this anymore and needed to leave. I said where are you gonna go ( it was 8pm by then). And he said he just needed to leave in his car (that we share but he also has a work truck). So me being the hot head that I am, I said oh your car? Here then, I ripped the remote key off my keychain and gave it to him, slammed the door closed and threw my keys at my window. I broke the blinds and my keys went flying everywhere ... I just can’t control myself. This was all unnecessary and extra af

This is the issue at hand... me. How the fuck do I control myself??!?!? I’m doing these things and while I’m doing them I’m thinking what the fuck is wrong with you??? I can’t control it. I’m the one making things so miserable for him. I literally just had to say I’m sorry babe let me put my phone down. But no, I had to make a whole scene about it.

I’ve done this in the past with an ex... I have fkn issues. Idk if it’s the birth control making me like this ( been on bc for 6 years not consecutively). I have outbursts and when I look back on it I’m just so fkn embarrassed. I’m 22 years old and he is right I’m fkn childish. How the fuck do I get a grip and act like an adult?