Still in the NICU.....

You are 5 weeks and 4 days old... that’s how long you’ve lived your life in a hospital. That’s how many weeks mommy has had to go home without you. How many weeks she had to look over to an empty bassinet. Over and over again telling people the same story, “maybe next weekend” or “nothing has changed, just waiting”.

Mommy is getting tired. Mommy is getting depressed. Tired of everybody texting and asking what’s going on.. tired of not being able to get things back to normal... tired of the hospital farting around with you and making you their “experiment”... mommy just wants to take you home.

For anybody going through NICU life, it’s hard. For people to say “I understand” or “it’ll be okay” or “you must be so frustrated, I would be too”, are the ones who haven’t been through it. Who haven’t had to watch their baby’s first month birthday go by in a hospital... who gets to wake up and hope and pray to God that she gains weight. Watching your little milestones for a little part of your day... I’d say though Walking out of the room while you’re still awake is by far the hardest thing I will ever do because you are watching me walk away...

They say God only gives you as much as you can handle but it’s getting harder and harder every day I wake up.... Please come home to me soon baby. I can’t take much more of this.