21st bday and a loss of friends

My whole life I imagined my 21st bday as something so exciting and fun. Now it’s a couple days away and this has been by far the worst year of my life. Raped in February, went to therapy, suicidal, went to outpatient care, lost friends bc of it, and am about to end the relationship with my bf bc we’ve grown apart. I have 3 close friends now and I’m growing apart from one of them. I’m trying to start my life over fresh in a way. Like I want to meet new people and create a new life and start new. I dont know how.. I’m goin to be single for awhile bc I realized I look for emotionally unattached men which usually end up being abusive. It’s like I want to move to a new city and start over but at the same time that would be extremely scary and I wouldnt know how to do it lol