Using a Surrogate despite being able to conceive

Hey ladies!

I just wanted to see what y’all think about using a surrogate - even if you are capable of conceiving your own child.

My husband is 25 and I am 23. We’ve had many conversations about children - the plan is to have our first baby in 5 years. I know it is early to start the conversation now but I just wanted to have enough time to think things through. It IS one of the most important decisions in life.

He is okay with us using a surrogate since I’m hesitant to bear our children. I’ve always told him I’m terrified of having children (the morning sickness, the labor, the depression, the effect on work, the potential scars on my body). I’m afraid I’ll be sick and unhappy and hate him and our baby and lose my career.

Edit: I do think maybe I’m not ready to make sacrifices for a baby yet, but also I’m terrified of the possibility of depression and how that could impact my child and my husband. My mother was severely sick and depressed for years after I was born. My childhood was full of guilt - my mom loved me so much but giving birth to me had life-long negative effect on her body. Maybe that’s why I’m terrified.

I appreciate every brave and selfless woman who chooses to bear their children despite all these fears but I’m just not sure I want to.

I love kids and I want a baby with genes from my husband and I but I want the baby without potentially destroying me. I don’t think the baby has to be born from my body.

My husband has always been extremely understanding (huge reason why I married him, he has never asked me to do anything I don’t want to). He’s more than willing to bear our babies if biologically possible. But unfortunately, that’s just not the reality.

However, even though my husband is supportive of my choice. I’m very conflicted about whether we should do it.

For starters, it’s so expensive and potentially even more work than regular pregnancy. Would it be fair to put my husband through this? Would it be a productive use of our money and time - as compared with conceiving my own baby with proper care and exercise etc?

Second of all, are my reasons considered valid by people? Am I being a selfish wuss? Would I be judged? The topic never came up with my family but I only recently realized not everyone thinks using a surrogate when you are capable of conceiving is acceptable.

Share your thoughts! Thank you!