How did your SO deal with your loss?

Question

I had my 2nd MC in January and it's all I can think about. I'm pregnant agian and grateful to be but I keep thinking I should be almost there not just starting over agian. I cant talk to my hubby about it. He shuts down and wont talk to me. I don't want to talk to some stranger I have to pay to listen to me. I want to talk to the only person that can truly understand and comfort me. I feel like there's this huge distance between us now. I want to take comfort in him but he shuts me out every time. So now I dont even try. This is eating me alive. How did your SO deal with your loss(es)?

Answer

Neither my husband or myself are good at talking about this stuff. I journaled my grief, my husband sometimes read what I wrote (with my permission). We both wear lockets with their ashes (we lost twins, so we alternate lockets) - honestly he’s better than me at remembering to put the lockets on. I leave before he does in the morning so if I forget he wears both. In the days after we lost them he planned a tree planting memorial on their due date. He washed the blankets they were wrapped in when we got home from the hospital and cried as he did it. And in the days right after when things were most raw we’d just cry together sometimes without talking. But I don’t really know how exactly he got through the whole grieving process, other than that I could tell some days more than others that he’d been thinking about them. I definitely recommend journaling for you though if you are wanting to talk and he’s not open to that.

Answer

He took it as hard as me. He wanted to be a daddy so bad. And now were expecting a rainbow and he’s freakin out. He wants me to quit work.

Answer

My husband was there for me to talk but he would never talk about still doesn’t. We have a 10 month old.  When I was pregnant I know her was worried about the baby. But he never really said anything about. Always asked how I was feeling if I needed anything. Called my doctor if I needed it. It was hard at first they though I could be another ectopic. Our first was one. Lost one of my tubes because of it.

Answer

We were so stressed, cinstantly fighting... it was not pretty. Finally I sought out a counsellor and concluded very quickly wasnt fair for me to try and offload everything on my husband. If it was too much for me to cope with as one person why was I expectimg him to be able to cope as one person? So I branched out, got out of the house, went to a paint night, out with my coworkers another evening, did some spontaneous volunteering another day. At first my husband was again upset but then we had a VERY hobest conversation about how we both felt. He felt bad that he wasnt able to line-soldier help me. I told him he didnt have to. He just had to be there for me and support me and still love me.
That cycle we decided to "try not try". I would only chart my BBT and keep taking my prenatals. We wouldnt try to time sex or get busy even when we didnt want to. No Pre-seed or FertiliTea or any of the other gimmicks.
I had the most stable temps I have ever seen in my follicular phase. We literally got busy ONCE and it was poorly timed. Yesterday I realized I was 3 days late. Took a test and sure enough. Positive. 
Whatever you do make peace with yourself. Love yourself and your SO. And remember you are strong no matter what happens. I hope this helps xoxoxo

How did your SO deal with your loss?

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