Bad mom

I’m such a bad mom. I try to do everything right but it just ends up wrong and I’m so scared of continuing to fail that some days I just can’t do anything. I just lay in bed and hide. My kid is fed, bathed, clothed, housed, he goes to school, has lots of toys and games to play and sometimes I make him let me take him to the park but I myself just can’t connect with him. He’s just a kid and I talk to him sometimes but I mostly don’t. I just hide in my room, behind the tv, behind my phone. I’m too scared to reach out for professional help, I’m afraid they will think I’m unstable and I will lose him. I love him and know he is safe with me but I’m just doing such a poor job. I wonder how he will grow up with a mother like me. I told myself I would be a good mother, I would make myself be one and now I have to confess that I am not. That I don’t know if I ever can be. I’m so sorry.