Please help me.

I’m a girl of 22 and broke up with my boyfriend the night before last. We’ve been together over a year and we finally accepted that our lives are just not headed in the same direction. He doesn’t want marriage and babies and I do. He’s older than me at 27, and has come to a place in his life where he is adamant he does not want those things.

And that’s ok. But in my heart I know that in a couple of years, I will want them. Without question. Having a family is all I’ve dreamed about since I was a young girl. So we sat and talked and cried and we’ve decided there’s no use delaying the inevitable, and we should separate.

Now the problem is that I am absolutely ruined by this. I know it sounds dramatic but I feel like I can’t get out of bed because it hurts so much. I can’t even successfully distract myself, and if I manage it for a moment, I can’t fight the tears when it hits me.

In every other way we are perfect. I have no doubt that he loves me with his whole heart, and I love him, but we’re just not seeing a future the same, and our happiness would be compromised massively to try and make the other happy.

But how do I even begin to get over this? I have never felt this type of pain before in my life, and if we were cruel, or if he cheated, or was abusive, there would be guides on how to get over him, lists and blog posts and movies and all sorts of things. I would have reason to know it was for the best that I left, but things are just devastating. I thought we were it for life.

And the worst part is we could say screw it, get back together and see what the future holds, but deep down we know the end result would be the same. But at least we’d have each other a little while longer. Even rejecting me would be easier but I know all I have to do is say the words and he’d come back to me. I really can’t cope. I really feel like I would rather die than face this