Feeling Guilty and Confused

I was in a relationship for seven years, starting at age 16. There were ups and downs, but ultimately he was my best friend and the person who knew me most. To cut everything short, towards the end I felt trapped. I felt like I couldn’t breathe in my own house. He suffered from depression and anxiety for most of our relationship and I couldn’t bear to support him anymore. I constantly put his needs before mine in the hopes to make him happy. I felt as if he wasn’t able to love me anymore because he did not possess the ability to love himself.

Then our paths started to divide. I wanted to move and every time he was on board he would find a reason why we couldn’t do it. My family moved far away, I missed them, and the place they had moved held a lot of opportunities for the both of us to grow and move forward with our lives. The last time he bailed on our plans, he felt he had a new dream he had to follow (one of the many dreams he help in hopes to make himself a happier person). He wanted to go back to school for another four years to pursue a completely different field and the school was located somewhere that had zero opportunities or connections for me. I felt exhausted... I have changed my life completely to support his many dreams over and over again. So I expressed my disinterest and told him I just can’t do it anymore. He tried to manipulate me and tell me I’m not supporting him and that he would give me a large sum of money to create a studio to support the dream I had pursued college and beyond. While this may have been generous, I saw it as a bribe to get me to once again give up my needs for his. After this conversation things started to fall apart more and distance grew between us. He wouldn’t kiss me before he left for work, all we talked about was a recap of our days, sex was there but not intimate.

Then I met someone... someone I worked with. We started to go out for a drink after work, and I would tell my boyfriend I was working late. We wouldn’t touch or kiss, just talk. We talked a lot and he showed genuine interest. He would tell me how beautiful I am and how strong of a person I am. If felt good to be looked at the way I deserved and have not in so long. After a month of this it happened... this man and I went on a day trip to the beach, he kissed me, and I felt like I was falling in love. I went home the following day and got in a huge argument over moving to a new place for my boyfriends school and then I did it. I broke up with him. I told him I can’t do this anymore and he needs to go follow his own dream so he would not resent me and finally had a chance at being happy. I told him he needed to learn to support himself and grow individually before he would ever be capable of loving someone else the way they deserve. He cried and screamed a lot. He wouldn’t let me leave for work by grabbing me wrists as hard as he could. When I finally could leave he blew up my phone telling me to go fuck all the men in the world, to never come back to the house and I need to find a place to sleep, how I think I’m perfect but I’m not, etc. So that was it, I never ceme back. He begged and begged that I would, then the next day tear me apart. And this just went on.

Immediately I started to sleep at this mans house because I had no where else to go. All of my friends and family had moved far away. I eventually got my own place and he moved with me. I never saw my ex again and blocked his phone number because of the hurtful things he would constantly say to me. Eight months later I’m happily married to this man, moved and living close to my family, and have a job I love. I’m happier than ever. And I just feel guilty about it. I up and left a man I was with for seven years with a blink of an eye and now I’m married and happy with someone new who treats me in a way I didn’t even believe was possible.

I completely detached emotionally as fast as I could from my ex. I know with his mental state he was struggling immensely, and I never reached out, never let him say goodbye in person. I just feel guilty. But also confused because I know I did the best thing for me.