Moving in together? Gimme your thoughts 🤔

Question

Hey ladies!
I’ve been battling this back and forth in my head for a while and I’d appreciate some kind outside perspectives.
My man and I have been together for over 3 years! He’s wonderful, attentive, smart, handsome, sexy, all that good stuff. We’ve been doing the long distance thing for about a year, but I’m moving back closer to where he lives finally!!!! I couldn’t be more excited.
Here’s the thing. We have been chatting on and off about finally taking the plunge and living together but for “financial reasons” he’s not ready. To be fair, he doesn’t have a ton of money and I’ll be making more than he does when I move back down to be with him as I’m accepting a new job. But part of me feels like it’s just an excuse 🙁 maybe that’s my insecurity talking. Not sure. He seems really excited about living together when we talk about it and even tells me he wants us to spend the rest of our lives together. But when it comes to actually making finite plans that’s when he gets wishy washy. 
I dunno. Am I being naive here? I know I want to live with him and I’m in a position to do so. How long did you/would you wait in a scenario like this?

Answer

Hi!!
moving in together is a big step and it might just be that it scares him a little. maybe even the fact that you'll be earning more than him makes him feel a little embarrassed... guys take pride in being able to 'take care' of their woman. 
If I were you, since his concern is money, make a realistic list of costs between rent bills and food, and if that really is his concern he'll feel better about it because you do actually spend less when living together.... 
I'm sure it'll be fine though, you've been together for long enough to be able to talk this through. 
hope it helped! good luck xx

Answer

i had a similar situation except i told my bf this: "im moving out of my parents house. im going to move whether or not you want to move, but if you want to do it with me, I'm willing to wait a reasonable amount of time for you to save money (because he wasn't financially ready)." in your situation, if he really wants to move out, you can find out by discussing with him (gasp) his financial situation and how to work with him to help him save money. how long will it take for him to save "enough" money? take the time to hash out how much the rent/utilities. if youre making more money, are you splitting the bills/rent evenly or will you be willing to pay a bit more for this to happen? if he isnt ready to move by the time you are ready to move, look into places where you can do 6 month leases. however if he is being super wishy washy i would press him to to talk to you about it and find out why he feels that way. for example, in my situation, my bf starting pushing back the date when we would move and plans changed a lot and i put my foot down and told him hey i can't do what im doing forever and im waiting for him but i dont have to wait for him if he wont move.

Answer

Moving in is a huge test to your relationship. I say just do it and if it dosent work out then you can always leave but you won't know if you can do it until its done. I know a lot of people like to wait and get married and such first but honestly there are things you can deal with and some things that you just simply can't. Better to find out now instead of waiting till later.

Moving in together? Gimme your thoughts 🤔

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