What to say...

Question

When someone asks you if this is your first? I am 12w5d with twins after a MMC back in August. I told the person, who was a health care provider, that we had actually had a miscarriage and then she apologized and it seemed she felt awkward for bringing it up. I don’t know that I always want to bring it up especially to perfect strangers, but at the same time I feel dishonest saying this is my first pregnancy. I anticipate this being a frequently asked kind of thing and am wondering if best responses. How are you ladies handling this kind of routine question?

Answer

I’ve lost 3, so when people say “this is your first?” I say “this is my fourth pregnancy but this is the first that has made it to this point”. I can’t imagine not telling people that as I’ll never forget my 3 angel babies

Answer

It's up to you.  Healthcare providers need to know, so I would always tell them.  The general public doesn't have to know though, so if you don't feel like explaining yourself you could just tell them it's your first.  I sometimes would say "This is my second viable pregnancy" or "This is my third pregnancy but she will be my second child" during my rainbow pregnancy.  But sometimes it's easier just to lie and move past it.  For the first few months after my loss I couldn't talk about my miscarriage without getting tearful and upset, but eventually I became more comfortable talking about it and had no issues mentioning it to certain people.  I just present the information in a matter of fact way when I talk to other people, and it's always been received well.  They say they're sorry for my loss, I thank them, and we move on.

Answer

if it's not medically needed I tell people this is my first bc it's really nobody's business and it makes things awkward.

Answer

Most of the time you need to let medical professionals know what # pregnancy you're on. It's in my file that this is my 5th pregnancy but 3rd baby. When people ask what # baby this is in the general public I tell them it's my 3rd.

Answer

I pick and choose. it depends if I want to answer "oh how old is your other little one? " (once they see my 3 year old)  sometimes I say I have 2 kids and sometimes I say I have 1. I do usually feel bad when I dont acknowledge my loss. she was full term of that matters. I don't think it does.

What to say...

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