Can you say no to Mother in Laws?

In my experience, no.

If we say we cant make it to an event, she asks why, if we tell her our reason, she tries to force it so our excuse doesn’t matter. If we STILL say sorry we can’t make it, maybe next time.. she loses her damn mind. Gets emotional, yells, throws a middle age size tantrum.

Now I get that she wants to be included, and we do make plans with her and also make it to 80% of the family evens whenever we can.. but come on. If we politely decline, shouldn’t that be okay??

Example: Tells us they are doing dinner, brother in laws family is already coming, its at 4 on Saturday.

Us: Sorry, cant make it that evening, next time! have fun!

Mil: why?

Us: SO on call for work.

Mil: How far away can you be?

Us: SO has to stay here.

Mil: We moved dinner to (our town) at brother in laws house! So now you can go!

Us: Sorry, that isn’t going to work for us. SO is staying here and wife and son are traveling to see her mom that day since SO is working anyway.

(conversation continues about how shes left out and hurt and how we don’t care, how she put work into planning, etc etc. and that we shouldn’t have made plans without consulting her.)

Shouldn’t we be able to say no without the 5th degree? It’s not our fault they make plans without asking if we’re available. This happens a lot and usually we cave to avoid her fit.