Is this normal

I’m having this feeling, that’s I don’t want to fall for anyone. I’ve been training myself to not fall for someone, I’ve stoped making friends. Because of it I don’t trust anyone, I find it hard to make friends. I just feel lonely I have a large family it makes it hard to get, I really want to make friends but I’m scared of getting hurt. If I don’t make friends I won’t fall, but I yearn to fall for someone. But at the same time I don’t.

Does anyone else get this

I’m 14 homeschooled