Female Ejaculation

ladies. I need your input. it has been YEARS since I have been able to ejaculate. some of you may use the term "squirt". my husband can get me to the most amazing orgasm and I feel it building up .... and then it goes away 😭😭. I think a reason is me being self conscious because one time I think there was pee mixed in with it. my husband was fine and said it's a hazard at times .... but I was totally embarrassed and grossed out. is there a way to just .... let myself go again?