another month gone...just need to vent


Started spotting this morning, two days before af is supposed to be here. Another month gone and still no blessing. I feel like giving up its now been over two years trying to conceive. I just want to break down and cry, scream, and make this emptiness go away. Two nights ago I actually dreamt that I was pregnant and the baby was moving all around. My husband was so happy and holding my belly, it was a perfect moment, and THEN I woke up to the real world. I wish I knew how to not let these awful feelings in anymore. Staying positive l, ignoring the sadness and trying AGAIN gets harder every month. My husband doesn't say it but I know he is disappointed as well. He just hugs me and says next time. My head is now playing the "what if" game. Which is not a food thing. The what if we have to go through this another two years, what if this is never going to happen, what if this feeling never goes away? .....I know that was alot to read, thank you for reading if you made it this far. Hope I did not bring anyone down, I just needed to say how I felt as you ladies I'm sure can understand.