Note: I’m pretty well just venting cause I’m pissed.

So, like most of the world, I work 2 jobs. I’m lucky if I get 1 day off in a week so when I come home, I like to spend time with my boyfriend. Does that get to happen? Not often. If he’s not at school, he’s at home playing on his Xbox and listening but not really listening to anything I’m saying. Not that I say much; my life is beyond boring!

So yesterday I got home from work around 3pm and had to wake him up (which is fine.. first day off and he wants to sleep in. 3pm is a little excessive but whatever). Things were fine. We sat, we talked for a few minutes and then he starts with his phone.

The ritual of going through Facebook. But that doesn’t last long cause then he’s got some girl that he use to be close with in high school (like 9yrs ago) asking him to hang out. Meanwhile, I’m making dinner and he starts getting ready. I asked what he was doing and he said having a shower and then going to her house. So he showers, eats and leaves.

Goes to this girl’s house who may or may not be married but says she has wifi so he’ll message me. Does he? No. He has to use her phone cause she’s stealing someone else’s wifi. Whatever. But he messages me 2hrs later just to tell me that his friend (who is a girl) is picking him up to go to the bar.

So this girl has a boyfriend but she’s not really happy with him but he’s familiar to her. She was developing feelings for her ex but he did something so now I have this gut feeling she’s developing a crush on my boyfriend cause she’s always messaging him about going out every night to a bar. He usually doesn’t go cause he has to be up early.

Anyways, I’m pissed at this point. All I want is to just be able to spend some time with him. But it never seems to happen.

So he gets home at 2:35 (I checked my phone). Does he come into the bedroom to say he’s home, nope. He sits on the couch and wakes me up at 4 to tell me he’s going to this 24hr bar (I’ve never heard of a bar staying open 24hrs but whatever) with this other girl who is his ex-girlfriends best friend. Now this girl is an apparent lesbian but she said it’s cause she got raped last year walking home at night. I don’t know. It’s just something inside me doesn’t trust it. (Please note: I’m all for gay pride! Love is love no matter the gender!). So now he’s out with her. Met her at her place and then apparently going to the 24hr biker bar.

Every day though he’s always talking to a girl. His phone goes off and it’s like I’m playing the guessing game of which girl it is. But he reassures me that none of them are flirting, but if a guy talks to me it’s the end of the world. So I’m not allowed to talk to guys anymore or have guy friends cause he thinks that they want to sleep with me or something. I dunno. So now I have him and my best friend from high school who is moving far away to be with her husband. When my phone goes off he’s always asking who it is and I show him that it’s just my mom or my dad.. cause I really have no one. No one messages me to hang out but his phone pretty well blows up.

Sometimes I wonder if he’s just using me for a place to live or for sex and doesn’t actually care about me. Like he can see that it bugs me but I also don’t want to be the person that says “no you can’t do this or that”.. not like he’d listen anyways. Or maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I’m working too much. He’s pretty well stopped asking if I want to go out and now asks if I work in the morning. Maybe I’m too boring for him or too familiar to him so he feels stuck or trapped with me. I just want to know why I can’t be enough for him. Or maybe I’m just being a selfish jealous girlfriend.