Serious relationship problem or just a rough patch? Advice please 😕

I really just need to get this out there, to someone, anyone. I won't write a book, even though I probably could, but just bare with me...

My partner and I are high school sweethearts. We met when I was just starting my freshman year and he was just starting his junior year. I'm 26 now and he's 29. I knew I loved him from the day I met him...

Fast forward to today- we've been together for 13 years this July, and May was our 1 year of being engaged. 😊💍❤️ We truly are soulmates and have such a deep love for each other. All aspects of our relationship are honestly amazing... all except one...

Here's the issue... We used to have a great sex life- getting busy all the time, figuring out and trying new and fun ways to spice things up, toys, being kinky, etc... We knew what each other liked, and we made each other very happy. But in these past couple years things haven't stayed that way. We went through a rough patch (not relationship wise, but life/financial/trouble wise) and we made some bad choices with our lifestyle that has seemed to permanently affect his body chemistry, hormones, etc.. especially because of the medication he's now on to help fix the problems incurred from the bad choices. And on top of that, 3 summers ago he got Lyme Disease and Babesiosis from a tick bite, which is known to effect hormones, as well as the medication for it, and therefore that's adding onto our sexual relationship problems too. Also, because of the Lyme and Babesiosis, he also suffers from fatigue, pain, migraines, irritability, and memory loss- which aren't things that usually put you in the mood. So he really suffers from lack of sex drive.

So, as you can now probably imagine, we don't have a very good sex life anymore. But it's more than just that.. he just seems so.. disinterested? I don't know really. Just so different. And we've tried (so many times that I've lost count) to talk these things through and make a plan to be better about it, but it just never happens. I still keep trying though... every couple of weeks or so I bring it up like, "hey, remember we talked about such and such thing, etc...", or "I think it might really be nice if we could...", or something like that. Or try to get him to figure out and fix his low testosterone levels to see if that could help. But all it ever seems to lead to is fights, arguing, and me crying and feeling like nothing ever is going to change. He always gets so defensive and argumentative, despite my efforts to try to be as non-threatening, angry, or aggressive as possible.

Even during the good days- when we both really want to do something, and finally actually do it- it's still just so... vanilla? It's always just... okay let's go, but done two minutes later. No romancing, no foreplay, no satisfaction for me- just business. And as of 10 months ago, the business is TTC. We both desperately want a family and kids of our own, and have been trying with no success yet. But this is just another reason why this is so complicated for me... him having these issues makes it just that much harder to TTC. It seems like he never wants to do it, even when I let him know about my fertility window and the importance of getting the timing right. He gets frustrated at himself for not wanting to and having no sex drive. He feels guilty. And I feel guilty for being upset about this when I know it not really his fault. But I just feel so sick of talking to a brick wall and getting no give and take in this relationship, no progression forward to better ourselves as a couple, or especially, as a family... 😔

In every way but this one way, I feel like we are about as compatible as they come and still madly in love... but this one is a big one and it's seriously affecting how I feel. I don't know what to think or to do about it....

So if anyone has been through something similar, or just has some helpful words, please feel free to share some advice ❤️ Thank you.

And thanks for letting me vent through this post and reading all of that 😅