A blessing & a curse

I lost one of my twins at 28 weeks. I gave birth to a healthy girl and a sleeping boy at 36 weeks in October.

Does anyone go spells without thinking of their lost baby? When I go days or even a week without thinking of him and then do at random it hits me so hard & I feel an immense amount of guilt and pain for not being able to remember when I thought of him last.

Losing a baby is hard. Losing a twin and looking at your live child is both a blessing and a curse. The waters are so difficult to navigate even 7 months later. Losing my son has made me appreciate every second with his twin sister that much more, but at each of her milestones I find myself wondering where he would be at. Would they be stride in stride? Would he look like her? Would he be as easy going, or would he give us a run for our money?

I don’t know if I’m asking a question, seeking support, or just rambling. If you’re reading this, thank you & I’m sorry you have to be a part of this group.

I’ve attached a picture of my healthy and happy girl on her 7 month birthday to remind myself of everything to be thankful for 💕