Baby Had No Heartbeat

Sad to say that I won’t be having a December baby like I thought.

I experienced light spotting and small clots yesterday after going to the gym for the first time in several months. I’ve had cramps the past couple nights but nothing unmanageable so I passed them off as growing pains. Anyway I felt uneasy so I went to the ER as my midwifes office was closed. After hours of tests, ultrasounds, and waiting, I found out that my baby’s heart stopped a day after my first ultrasound that confirmed a heartbeat. That was almost 7 weeks ago. I had no symptoms or bleeding up until yesterday so to say I was shocked is an understatement.

It’s funny because this was actually one of my biggest fears, having a missed miscarriage and getting attached to this baby with false hope. And once my midwife told me not to stress after we thought we passed my first trimester, I let myself get so excited and let go of the fear.

I don’t regret anything and I know there was nothing that caused or could have prevented this from happening. I’m tired of crying and I want to focus on the future. But I will always have a place in my heart for this baby, my first pregnancy. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all get to hold your beautiful babies at the end of this year ❤️ Ill be leaving this group but please share some virtual baby dust for my rainbow baby 🌈