I think I'm ready


so for those of you that has been wanting a update that knows what was going on heres the update. But first ill catch up new people reading this.

I was trying to have my first baby for a while. but could never get pregnant. we finally did it. 10 weeks into the pregnancy we find out the baby isn't normal. thw neck was thicker. so we go to a specialist around 15 weeks or so and find out the arms are too short, there is a cystic hygroma on the back of the neck pushing on the back of the brain not letting rhw postsria fossa form. and the fluid from that is filling up the top half of the body. the fibia bones in both legs didn't form. ribs were too short and rounded. fingers were too short. fluid around the kidneys. needless to say not one inch of this baby was fine. we had a amniosentesis done to find out what went wrong. but the tests all came back normal.... fast forward a few weeks and we find out that its a boy and his parts didnt develope. fast forward again and he has a whole in his heart and the valves going to his lungs was small. out of all these problems we still decided to keep him. he was our first baby. if he needed extra help then fine I'd help him. but at 26 weeks things went down hill. I went into preterm labor. I dilated 1 cm. they got the contractions to stop because if he was born with his issues he would not have survived. then at 27 weeks 6 days I went into labor again. this time I am dilated to 1.5 cm now and 70%effaced. they gave me stuff to stop the contractions. then all of a sudden my little boys heart rate went from 140 all the way down to 80. they tried to get it back up for an hour but had no luck. I had to go in for an emergency c section. he was born on January 28, 2018 at 11:22 am. as soon as they got him out he did not cry. he was trying to breathe but he was having troubles. he wasnt movig but somehow he managed to hold on for 2 hours 27 minutes. he passed away that afternoon at 1:49pm. and I am just so lost and I'm scared to even try to have another baby because we don't know what went wrong in the first place we dont know if this will happen again.... please keep praying.

this is my story and I finally think I'm ready to share what he looked like. I will love this little boy forever. 💙💙