Y'all I'm still trying not to cry. This may be dramatic as shit but I don't even care.

Today, my daughter had her 1 year check up. She missed her last round of shots due to the fact we switched pediatricians. It took us a few months to find one that wasn't a complete buffoon or one that didn't cancel appointments constantly.

She had to get 6 fucking shots. Normally we'd space them out a bit but she still needs 3 more to get caught up plus her 1 year old blood work. Her little sister is due in August, expected arrival to be July. So time isn't in our favor. I'm also a firm believer in vaccinations. I was quite beside myself that she was already behind.

I would rather give birth again than ever go through what we went through today.

I'm not even joking.

I love my daughter so damn much. Maybe too much. I had to hold her tiny little arms down as the nurse held her legs to give her SIX FUCKING SHOTS. That tiny little princess was staring right at me screaming. Giant tears flowing out of her pretty blue eyes. She kept yelling "mama!" "up" "mama!" in between her shrieking screams.

I wanted to die. I will never do that again. Her dad can handle the shots. I cannot do that again.

She calmed down within a few minutes and was back to her normal happy self. Besides the fact that she was now exhausted and due for a nap, she was much better.

Then the doctor came it. Ella associated stranger with person who wants to hurt me. So she freaking screamed. My daughter loves people. Laughs, giggles, smiles, reaches out, etc. Freaking loves people. Maybe not so much anymore 😢 The doctor simply used a stethoscope to listen to her breathing. Ella started screaming like someone was trying to murder her. Anytime the doctor came close, she screamed. The appointment finished very quickly, thankfully. My little one is sound asleep in her crib now.

- shittiest mom ever.