Is the hardest thing Ive ever taken on in my life. I’ve been overweight since I was about 13 years old. Started having irregular cycles that resulted in no cycles. My mom told me it was fine and some girls don’t get them every month, wasn’t till last year at 21 that I finally made my own appointment and was formally diagnosed with pcos. I knew something was wrong, I had a feeling for a while something was and that it would have some affect on my fertility.

I started a prenatal immediately, and have been adding to it since then. Fish oil pills, ovasitol (inositol), vitamin D, magnesium, ceylon cinnamon pills, metformin, vitamin B. Making life and diet changes along the way by cutting as much dairy and carbs as I can. Eating flaxseed and sunflower seed and sesame and adding fertilitea, spearmint tea, red raspberry leaf tea, nettle leaf tea and a pregnancy tea. . Feeling so hopeful getting a period in January thinking and praying I could restart my body. Feeling defeated every month since then when nothing happens. At a complete loss at what to do, trying different devices all promising to help, my husband calm and collected by my side ever step of the way reminding me to breathe and that it will happen. Seeing the way he looks at babies and talks about kids absolutely breaks my heart and he has no idea. I don’t have the heart to tell him because I don’t want him to stop, I don’t want him to feel like he needs to stop. At 22 I thought even with pcos we could make it happen, doctors telling me i’m “so young, it will be easy with lifestyle changes” some so confident in 3 months I’d be healthy and pregnant. Well those came and went so fast, and so many more after that.

I’m trying to “enjoy the journey or smell the roses” but it’s so hard every month that goes by, at least some girls get their period to tell them their not pregnant, but remind them of their own fertility. I read those posts and just wish I could even get a period. I’m so upset that I don’t know how to fix myself. I have no idea if anything I’m doing is even helping or making any difference at all.

I just needed to write it and see it and let it out in some way. At 3 am it starts haunting me and sometimes it’s hard to sleep with all these thoughts. So that’s where I’m at.