BFN and I am so sad about it

So as I sit in my bathroom typing this I look at that stupid test. 1 day before my period is do and boom still not pregnant. I have such an overwhelming feeling of self hatred, asking why can everyone seem to get pregnant by accident and I can’t purpose.

Why is it that I allow myself to hope every damn month only to have AF show he unwanted and ugly face. Now as I wallow in self pity, hatred and doubt I must face the fact my period will come this month.

I hoped so deeply in my soul this was my month. I would be next. Maybe next month, as for this month I will prep the period panties and rocky road ice cream, all while cursing AF. So depressed about this I could just spit acid.