Rape ⁉️

So I was dating this guy, and towards the end the of relationship we broke up but still did everything a couple did, literally nothing changed but the title, anyway well I cut him off for talking to other girls again, we didn’t see each other for two weeks prior to this night, I was in at my house with my bestfriend C, her bf Tyler and her brother josh, josh wanted to kick it with C but was with junior, well I didn’t want people to think I was scared or hiding from junior cause of the break up so I said fuck it, let’s go, he’s not stopping me from anything anymore. Well we get there and before I even get out of the car he’s already trying to talk to me and give me a hug and he completely puts his focus into how I am doing since we last talked I’m giving him short answers but still answering him, anyway Well he was drunk and wouldn’t get off me or let me go home with c, so I ended up going with him to drop off josh and he was supposed to drop me off after. Well we dropped off josh and he pulled up to his house which is on the way to mine and asked if I wanted to stay and I didn’t answer him then he turned off the car asked if I wanted to kick it inside and said no. I kept saying no but he just got out and went to my side and opened the door. I said no. He like pulled me out but not in a aggressive way kinda like “ima just act like I didn’t hear you and do it anyway cause I get my way “ and then started walking towards the car and I said no again and he just got real close behind me and started walking me up to the house. Well I knew what he wanted and so I didn’t sit on the bed. He told me to relax and stop treating him like a stranger and he pulled me on top of me. I tried to get up he wouldn’t let me. I kept saying no and stopping him from pulling my pants down and then he got mad and went to the end of the bend and sat on his phone mad and pouting for like 5 minuets, I try to calm him down and I ask him to take me home and Then he managed to get on top of me and I kept saying no. He just wouldn’t stop.He’s bigger then me and I started to get scared so I tried to push him off and said no but he just acted like he didn’t hear me and asked to take off my pants I said no but he didn’t listen and he just took them off and he tried to put it in I said no but he just ignored me and did it anyway once it was in side me then I knew there was nothing for me to do and no stopping him at this point so I just stopped fighting and sat there and cried. This guy is the love of my life, he’s cheated, lied, used me but I still love him. At the time of intercourse to my body it felt pleasurable but in my mind it felt like I was getting something stolen from me and that my voice or body meant nothing. Then he asked me what was wrong with me afterwards and I said take me home. And I went home took a shower and cried then went to sleep. Idk if that’s rape or not. I’m not the type to call that when it’s not the case. Kinda need someone else’s opinion. Next day went off on him, couple days later we end up texting but not like that again and I’m still hoping for a another shot at us and he told my bestfriend he wanted to get back together but stay friends for now , then I found out he was hanging out with my bestfriend (at the time) behind my back with her friend who I never turned alone with my bf. Anyway find out he and my old bestfriends friend and my ex have a thing and at currently dating.

PART 2.

So I decided to tell that girl he and I just had sex a week ago and heslying outta his ass saying he hasn’t talked to me in months and wouldn’t let me in the house like that and putting it all on god, but is really lying. Although I didn’t tell her about the possible rape claim cause I knew she’d say I’m only saying that so they don’t. Get together when that’s not the case. Please help. Super confused.