I’m struggling with letting go. July 23rd will be two years since my abortion. A guy I was HEAD-OVER-HEELS IN LOVE WITH got me pregnant (on purpose..) but then didn’t want to have a baby when I found out I was pregnant. Convenient. I loved him so much and for him to do that to me really crushed me... I have a child already. I couldn’t afford another one on my own. I don’t regret my decision. Not entirely anyway. I was always prochoice but I never thought I would be in a situation I’d have to “choose”. Yet it happened. If the situation had been different, I would have kept it. If he had wanted the baby. Or if I had been financially stable enough to support two kids on my own. But none of those scenarios were the case. It’s been almost two years and I still linger on that choice. I don’t regret it but I still ache everyday because of it. I wouldn’t change it... but I wish things had been different. Does that make sense??? I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it.. I can’t let go of the guy. I haven’t spoken to him since shortly after the appointment (which he didn’t even go with me to.. he was “on vacation”) but for some reason I can’t hate him...no matter how bad I want to, I can’t. I miss him every day. I feel like I’m lingering and I know I should let this go but for some reason I just CANT. Any suggestions to shake this feeling?

Talking to him isn’t an option btw. He moved on shortly after we broke up and had been with the girl since.