TRIGGER WARNING! I need some opinions please no judgement

So I feel on here I can vent because I can do it anonymously without people knowing too much about me. The reason for this is because of what I’m about to talk about. Many of my friends are still friends with HIM. The man who single handily ruined my life up to yet. I first got into a relationship with HIM on the 18th October 2017, at first I thought this is great I’m happy 😊. That was until the honeymoon period ended, he started out with little things like him picking on the way I look, just small things like saying my eyeshadow wasn’t good or something like that. Our relationship started to get a bit more serious when all of a sudden out of the blue, I was sat in class waiting for the bell to ring when I got a text from him (he hadn’t been in school) saying that I shouldn’t ring him or talk to him that night. So I started to worry because at this point I was madly in love with him🙄. I ran down to his house pleaded for hours for him to listen to me and talk to me but to know surprise he didn’t. Over the weekend I felt shitty and couldn’t wait till the Monday so I could try to sort things out with him at school. I did and we started dating again. All was well until he started with the petty comments, this time it was more like I was fat and I had put on weight. I so desperately wanted to keep him so I went on a weird control diet where I only ate at night like a few snacks items and one dinner. I lost 10 lbs over a month and he still wasn’t happy. Anyway I stayed with him and one night he’d asked me to come over his mum was out so I did. We drank a lot and I was very drunk, bearing in mind I had to go home at 10 this was at 7. He had purposely made me drinks with higher alcohol than his. He carried me upstairs and I can remember him telling me not asking! Don’t get it twisted. That we were gonna have sex. I was too drunk to stop him or cry out so lates there it hurt and I cried the whole way thru it. At some point his mum rang him or made contact and he stopped to answer I rolled over, as I was a bit more sober now and he jumped back and said let me finish let me finish! He forcefully pulled me into my back and finished he kept for a while afterwards at his house, telling me I enjoyed it, it was my choice. The complete opposite than the truth! I got home that night at 11 o clock and my mum hit the roof obviously I didn’t tell her what happened otherwise I wouldn’t of got were I am now. Over the next few weeks it continued in a cycle of forcing himself on me and belittling me by calling me from a pig to a dog. He even told me to stop hanging around with certain friends. I was in a vicious cycle and I couldn’t escape. I put on weight didn’t care about makeup (I used to be obsessed) and lost all motivation other than making him happy. This went on for months I spent money on him for Christmas and he had no motivation to buy me anything. His mum went out at the last minute and brought me a few bits. But he should have done that. Eventually in March he decided he’d had enough of me after a few weeks of sitting in a classroom opposite me saying shit about me to his friends and making my final year of school worse and worse. He broke up with me over text. Said he was done with the shit. So after months of me answering to his every beck and call sitting there alone whilst he played PlayStation for hours not talking to me and raping me over and over. He got BORED? He wanted something better I guess. But ever since he broke up with me he’s made his friends in school call me dirty disgusting etc. And I’ve had a hard time myself. I’ve lost all motivation I used to have and now putting makeup on and leaving the house seems like an unnecessary act. I have constant nightmares of the time I spent with him. I’ve lost friends and I’ve lost the spark I had. I’m scared that this is my life now. Piling on the pounds messy hair and no care for anything. I feel like shit every day and someday s I feel as if there’s no way out (little background I’ve suffered with depression for a few years and had one suicide attempt) I want to be the happy bubbly athletic girl o was before I want to be able to talk to a lad without constantly thinking of him. Is there a way out? I don’t know how to overcome this and forget him.