Husband doesn’t want to be a dad

I’m 26 years old and my husband (27) and I had ttc’d for 5+ years when we finally got pregnant.

We’ve been up and down but have had a great relationship for 8 years.

We FINALLY conceived last year and currently have a 10 month old! She is my whole entire world and the best baby! As excited as my husband was to find out I was pregnant, about 3 months into the pregnancy, his excitement was gone. [(About the time I started having bp issues and was in and out of the hospital) ended up having an emergency C section due to 70% abruption.] he spent a lot of my hospital stays at home on video games and maybe I’m sheltering resentment for that still.. but that’s another topic 😂

It’s as if he’s been jealous since the day she was born. (I still make time for him while caring for her though, just not much one on one time really..)

He says he loves our daughter but will not have anything to do with her! He has changed 7 diapers in her whole life, will say, “hey big girl” and kiss her when he comes home or leaves for work but literally has done nothing else. She will complete a milestone but he will act surprised 2-3 weeks after as it’s the first time. (I will even tell him/show him when she does it and I guess he zones us out)

He does work everyday (I’m a stay at home mom now) and he says working is enough, that he shouldn’t have to come home and deal with our baby too. He speaks as if she’s a chore but the thing is, she has been a nearly perfect baby from day 1, after the first month, she slept through the night and hardly ever cries. (And is also so dang funny and smart 😂) It just worries me now that she’s getting older and you can see how she stares at him vs my mom, sisters or brothers.. she looks at him like a stranger and cries at any interactions with him, many times is scared of him. 😭

I just don’t understand him or what I can do to make this change.

He gets mad if she doesn’t go right to sleep when he’s tired. He just has too much anger these days and is too impatient to be trusted. I want him to learn to care for her but I also don’t want to beg him to do that forever.

Our relationship has definitely gone downhill since she’s been born. He’s talked of divorce since she was 3 months old. Honestly I’m thinking about it more now but get so scared thinking about having to split time with him. He has never been alone with her for more than 30 mins (and called for assistance then)

At the end of the day, I feel she would be better off without a father than one that ignores her.. I just don’t know what to do..

I think this was more of a vent post but if you have any suggestions on guiding him to be more involved (or any other tips) please comment!