Is my husband a high functioning alcoholic?

Question

This has been an occasional problem for our entire marriage (3 years). He drinks beer every. Single. Day. For sure 2, usually 3-4 cans. Sometimes he makes himself a few mixed drinks with hard liquor as well. This doesn’t really cause problems as he acts pretty much normal. The only thing that might be related is that he is often too tired for sex. (About half of the times that I ask). He does have a very stressful job and works long hours so that is his reason for wanting to unwind at the end of the day. 
The real problems happen when we go out with friends, go to a wedding, or go on vacation. Now since he is so busy with work this doesn’t happen very often, maybe once or twice a month. But I don’t remember ever going somewhere with an open bar without him ending up in the bathroom throwing up and/or forgetting much of what happened. He says it’s because he tries to go drink for drink with his buddies who are mostly bigger than he is and have a higher tolerance. But he is in his late 20’s, shouldn’t he have this figured out by now? I don’t understand why he enjoys puking his guts out. It’s embarrassing for me and him, and most importantly I worry for his long term physical health. 
Overall we have an amazing marriage. He has never been mean to me while drinking (or ever), and he is very successful at work, makes a lot of money, and has many friends. He has been the love of my life since high school. But we have been TTC for a year (had one miscarriage this month, which sucks but now I know at least his sperm is working so I don’t think the drinking affects TTC). Also when he’s too tired for sex after drinking he can still rally and make it happen if I’m ovulating 😂. 
I just worry about his problem getting worse down the road and how it may affect our future children. I have asked him to stop several times before and he can do it easily for a few days/a week but then we go out and he asks me if he can just have a drink and I say yes and then he slides right back to his old ways.

Answer

1. I’m happy y’all can have conversations regarding his alcohol use. This is very important that they are conversations and not arguments. 
2. You can’t make, convince, or manipulate someone to stop drinking(I tried). 
3. Save money. Tell him you’re saving money. Money for bail, money so when his drinking ends up affecting his health you and your future children won’t suffer financially w/out him. (Not saying that would happen but it’s a sobering experience for a man to have to prepare is family for something awful that’s in his complete control). Life insurance policy. 
3. I was told this once when I went to a alanon meeting. Most important.. You fell in love with him for a reason and that reason is still there. Even when times are tough or embarrassing or scary the reason and person you fell in love with is still there. 
4. Try out an Alanon meeting. It’s for you not him and they are wonderful. 
My first husband is what I call a sundown/weekend alcoholic. Everyday after work, all day on the weekends. He held a good job, had friends, and when he wasn’t drinking our relationship was good. The HUGE MAJOR difference, just by your post is my ex was not nice drunk. That’s what ended our marriage. Not the “drinking daily” but his complete personality change once he was drunk. Until your safety or the safety of your future children are at risk, keep those communication lines open. There isn’t anything wrong telling him you don’t want to live you middle age years without him. That he may not meet his grandchildren. And let him know that hurts you. Please try Alanon. You can find a group online. If you take anything from this post, keep talking, sharing. Don’t fight, argue, or nag. Just talk. Even if he doesn’t say anything back. He still heard you. Prayers

Answer

Any amount of alcohol DOES affect sperm. It affect motility, and causes deformations, which could cause the miscarriage, it’s your body’s way of rejecting baby because something isn’t right. I had 2 miscarriages in 4 months, and as soon as I told my husband to slow down his drinking(to almost none) it happened and we are now 33 weeks pregnant.

Answer

He’s not an alcoholic unless he cannot function without the alcohol, or strongly depends on it. You could just say no when he asks, there’s no need to enable him.

Answer

I think his health and how he could end up way down the line would be the concerning part for me. Just because he’s high functioning now doesn’t mean he always will be. An alcoholic is an alcoholic, period. It will be damaging his health and it could go from functioning to non-functioning very quickly.
Also, when you have a child together, your child is going to see his drinking habits and assume it’s normal behavior. It’s not a great example for a child, even if he handles his booze at home well.

Answer

This sounds just like my grandpa. He says he doesn’t have a problem because he is able to stop for a week or so at a time (for example he needed to quit for 2 weeks for a surgery and he did it no problem) but it started when he was younger as 1-2 beers a night and now that he is retired he’ll drink a whole 12 pack and not even feel a thing. He is defiantly high functioning. This has churches my grandma horrible through their whole marriage but she’s always stayed because she’s so religious. Unfortunately, there’s been many time that my dad and I can remember where’s it’s gone to far and he ends up embarrassing everyone he is with. My grandma has gone home crying more that I could count. Although it’s only 2-3 beers now because he is stressed down the line it could become so much more if he is unwilling to stop now with you asking him too. For example he got so drunk at my wedding threw up and embarrassed my whole family. Just saying if you have children in the future they will remember things like that when he gets drunk and it hurts, Ive lives with it. Best of luck and Hopefully he can cut it back to just socially or so. ❤️

Is my husband a high functioning alcoholic?

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